Under the Wisdom Tree, FTII, Pune

i never find the very special words i should

all i want to do is keep exploring.  being in mumbai for a mere month only gave me a taste of the city and culture.  there was truly never a dull day in mumbai.  i loved every moment of it, and i miss it dearly.  and when my friends or family ask me about India, i never know where to begin.  all i know is that only ten other people will ever completely understand what the experience was like.  they’ll forever have a significant part in my life and my memories.

seeing and working on movie sets and studios for the first time really proved to me that i chose the right career to study.  every experience i’ve had in film – from every film i see, to studying film at SU, to experiencing film in mumbai –  has reinforced my passion.  however, my experience in India may have possibly changed my direction in the industry.

slowly, i’ve discovered my desire to become a cinematographer, and my experience with Attar Singh Saini cemented that craving.  however, i had always thought more about making my own films independently away from Hollywood.  i had no desire to work on massive film sets or anywhere my creative control would become compromised.  from Bollywood, i found the heart that i didn’t think existed in the cutthroat film industry.  whether this reflects Hollywood or not is yet to be seen – but it certainly gives me hope.  ultimately, working in Bombay has made me reconsider my options after i graduate from SU.  prior, i wanted to stay local, and work small.  now, i’m thinking about moving to LA, but perhaps Bollywood would be more fitting.

but i know you from before and after until then

it’s been over two weeks since i left mumbai.  i’ve kept busy.  i continued my glorious summer by going on a road trip from philadelphia to chicago with a few friends – with many stops and adventures along the way… but i still think about India tirelessly.  in my last couple days in bombay, there was a rush of excitement, and i desperately wanted to stay.  vikash made the brave decision of staying an extra couple weeks, which made me infinitely jealous… but instead of just suffering with the mundane at home, i went on the road trip previously mentioned.

so, those last few days deserve to be talked about.  i previously left off on a rainy monday in mumbai.  tuesday was the same as shooting was canceled once again, so i went into the Paying Guests set with vikash and caroline, which was a lot of fun.  on wednesday i went back to Sale Up to 40% to the new set at future studios.  unfortunately, wednesday was also my last day on set because they were not shooting thursday and friday was a night shoot.  i spent the day with my digital still camera snapping photographs for memories, collecting contact info and thanking the crew for their kindness, but it definitely wasn’t the only thing i did.

it was definitely one of the best days i had on set as i learned the basics of light metering from one of the camera assistants, and then was requested to go on a location scout with the production coordinator with my still camera.  we went to two café coffee day locations around the city and took pictures of the location so the director of photography, mr. attar singh saini, could choose which one he wanted to use for the next scene of the film – to be shot the next monday.  i learned a bit about producing from the production coordinator.  he is responsible for making sure everything that is needed for a day’s shoot is there – from camera and lighting equipment to permission to shoot at locations.

so, i went out and took photographs and brought them back to mr. saini.  and then he asked me which location i preferred.  i gave him my recommendation, and he said “alright, then let’s do that one.”  i was completely caught off guard and had no clue that my decision would be so critical – as the location would be used the next week for the film.  amazing.

the day ended with some sweet goodbyes, lots of email addresses and a couple hugs.  i gave mr. saini a syracuse hat and he wore it immediately – which put a smile on my face.  it was sad to leave everyone on set that i had come to know for such a short period of time.  there were definitely experiences on that set that i’ll hold with me, and things that i’ve learned that i know i’ll never forget.  i miss everyone there dearly, and i hope to see them again one day – and perhaps work with them on a film of my own.

i don’t remember what happened on thursday, but on friday night we celebrated leah’s 21st birthday at a club entitled “poison.”  it was a great time – as we were on the guest list and in vip.  it was a proper end to our bollywood experience.  and early on saturday, we finally met subhash ghai.  then we were debriefed by WWI, and then had a huge, exciting PR session where newspapers came to interview and photograph us – the result of which you probably read in the previous post.  afterwards a bunch of us went and got henna tattoos done.  i had an intricate arabic design up my left arm, which was beautiful – but i don’t think i have any pictures of it, unfortunately.  a final group dinner at emerald club and some long goodbyes and finally a 16 hour flight home to jfk.

and afterwards, all i wanted to do was be back in India.

Hindustan Times – Delhi – June 14

Not as sweet as home should be

The trip is over and we are home. And right now I want to go right back to Bombay! I miss everything about it. Let’s face it, I’m going to miss blogging too.

Everything about this trip may not have been perfect but it was still amazing. I learnt so much about myself over the trip. It was a much needed eye-opener to my own being.

I made the journey back to the States. And although I do appreciate the weather and the other luxuries I have here, I miss roughing it out.  I miss the auto rides and wading through the  water when it rained too much. I have come back a changed person. I have grown up, I have lived in Bombay (however sheltered and pampered) and survived it, I have worked (again VERY sheltered and pampered) and now at least I know what to expect when I am ready to fight the odds and join the industry. I worked with some wonderful people and even though there was less work I did for the first time read a full length Indian feature film and help make the costume selections and help with the shooting schedule, locations as well trying to find the number of of a famous actress who resided in Delhi. They wanted my opinion with casting, with the script, with the story even the way the movie should be shot.

This internship was a beautiful experience and I am glad I was a part of it. It was much more than an internship. I can now understand why people value studying abroad so much. Even though I was studying/interning in a country that I have lived in for 18 years I was able to learn so much new. I was able to rediscover my love for India while still be acutely aware of the  differences between India and America. I realized how passionate I am about film and Bollywood in partcular.

A big thank you to Whistling Woods and to SU for making this possible.

The Transition: Hey MOM I’m [[HOME]]

So I have arrived in “The States” as they call it overseas safely and with a new look on life. I definitely can say that I appreciate the smaller yet most important things in life such as a AC (which has become my best friend since a month long trip in india where it was a luxury found only in remote places), family, love, friendship, technology, and many more things.

I mean it truly is a blessing to have been raised in “The States” with the many luxuries that are so familiar and popular within the American lifestyle. Going to India and living, eating, working and playing there for a month I truly have come to appreciate not simply the smaller things in life but “LIFE” even though we Americans make it seem super complex it truly is a simple thing, that needs to be appreciated and explored during every single moment.

I not only have transitioned from India to “The States” but from a lost soul looking for a place to belong and I have returned with my purpose to be a successful filmmaker in or out the industry who manages to change the American perspective of life having to be completely luxurious in order to be considered nice of even a LIFE at all. I would like to compare and contrast the monstrosity of poverty in countries like India and explore not only cultures but people alike in supposedly developing countries and show how they just might be living LIFE better than what we Americans call LIFE.

So yes afterall this trip to India has changed me. I appreciate very much the opportunity to have visited such an expansive country ranging from beautiful people (especially the children) to people trained better with more skills than we Americans have in a land of the properous where we spend millions of dollars to acquire an education that should be FREE. Seriously, America needs have a reality check in order to  understand that not everything including LIFE deserves a pricetag.

Overall it feels great to be in a land I call HOME.

Farewell post

It feels a little weird writing a farewell post…as I am currently laying in my bed in Mumbai. The boys have just left for the airport….I am the last SU student left in India.

Although I am still here and still “experiencing” India, I am ready to reflect a bit on everything I have experienced over the last month and a half. Clearly, the fact that I’m still here is a sure sign that I am in love with India. I came here in May not quite knowing what to expect and now as I lay here I can’t imagine how my life would be had I decided not to come. For starters, I would never have had the opportunity to have met 11 amazing people, who I love and miss very much. More importantly, I never would have had the chance to be part of a real “family” in India. Working with Joy Augustine and the rest of the direction team on the film “The little GODFATHER” has been one of the most worthwhile things I’ve ever done. I love going to work everyday. I learn at least three new things within the first hour of stepping on set. I work with a team of incredibly talented individuals who genuinely care about me and want me to walk away from this internship having learned as much as possible. What more could I have asked for out of this internship?

Watching Rohan and Vikash leave tonight was incredibly difficult for me. I have grown so attached to them that I didn’t want to say goodbye. It breaks my heart to see Rohan leave without having had the same amazing experience as me. Bollywood is at a loss without his choreography.

Interning here has seriously changed my future goals. I am now so confused about what I want to do with my life. I still want to work in film, now more than ever, but being part of a direction team has made me think about possibly directing instead of producing. I also really enjoy working here. Talking to people on set makes me feel like it is something that I could possibly do. Now I have to decide….India or LA? I think I’d potentially make more money in LA, but I am so happy here that the money really isn’t what is keeping me here. There is something about this country that I love, and I’m not really ready to leave it. I’m getting on that plane in 2 weeks…but I have a feeling I’ll be back here someday.

Overall I am really happy that I decided to come here. I definitely think that this program needs some work, but for me, at least, it was incredibly worthwhile. I am so grateful to have had this opportunity and will cherish it as long as I live.

Last Blog

The rain, the heat, the bugs, and the unpredictability of the country are what I will miss about India. What I will miss most are the people; the women in saris I call “Auntie” and men that I called “uncle.” It’s been an amazing ride here and I plan on returning in the future. The exposure to both the culture of India and its realm of cinema has been more than influential and inspiring.

Since I’m currently packing to leave for the States in a few hours, I will make this a bit brief. The traffic in Los Angeles and San Francisco will be much more bearable than they used to be. Compared to the air-conditioned rickshaws (no doors), and lack of controlled traffic movement here, it will surely be a breeze. I’d much rather drive in India because, here, let’s just say where there’s a will there’s a way.

Studying/ Working with members of the film industry in Indian cinema have opened several opportunities and answered many questions about what I care to do in my future. Hopefully, I’ll be able to grow with as much talent as these folks have. The creativity, discipline, knowledge of every sector within the industry is exemplary.

I’m glad I stayed an extended two weeks to experience, the humidity, the rain, the pigeons at our window, the picturization of a song on film, gain insights of some filmi professors, etc.

Thanks a bunch, SU!

In Conclusion… (bits from my final paper)

Traveling to India turned out to be a very important and necessary experience in my life, just as I knew it would.  Not only did it continue and make stronger my goal to be an international filmmaker, but I also learned a lot about life, God, relationships with family and friends, and other cultures.  I had the amazing opportunity to work with the production designer Muneesh Sappel on a film set, which opened my eyes greatly to filmmaking.  We are told how hectic and stressful a film can be to create, but to actually see a large film set and everything that goes with it, really opened my eyes.  Things can go wrong and when it is on such a large scale, you can feel the tension amongst the cast and crew.  The show must go on, though, and things must get done, so everyone on set just manages and figures it out.  This is what I think I like most about filmmaking: filmmakers are trying to make stories, but in fact, getting to that point and trying to shoot a film is just one big dramatic story in itself.  Also, when things are going right and smooth, it is just beautiful.  

 

The passion of filmmakers was another feeling I felt greatly around the set.  You really have to be passionate about this business and this type of art in order to succeed and to even get through one day.  These people really love making films, and I want to be part of that.  Being around such creative geniuses, such as Mr. Sappel and the other passionate filmmakers, makes you step up and makes you improve yourself.  It really is a great environment when the right people are around and when the story and the film are beautiful.  All in all, after this trip, I know that I have made the right choice.  I know that I want to be around this type of creative expression.  I know that this is what I want for my career, and what is even more important, is that I am confident that I have the passion and integrity to peruse such a career. 

 

Besides the fact that I am certain that filmmaking is what I want for my life, I learned a lot about my own life and myself on this trip, which has all made a difference in how I want to lead my life and career.  While poverty and tragedy exist all around the world, I really got to see it up close in India.  I have certainly led a sheltered life in central New York, so when I was face to face with children following me and begging, it made a significant impact on me.  I have always been quite sensitive to these types of situations, but being right there and seeing it up close made me realize that perhaps I should use my sensitivity and empathy for the greater good.  If I feel so badly, then I should do my part.  I am aware that I am only one person with one voice, but because I have the amazing power of filmmaking on my side, I believe that I can make a difference.  Because of this eye opening experience, I am looking to create not only fictitious films now, but also documentary films and films that will just make people aware of the world around them.  While in India, everyone told me to just not look back at “them” and to just keep walking, but I am going to look back, and I want to make a difference. 

 

An unexpected experience that also opened my eyes and made me learn about myself was the blogging assignments.  I have never been much of a blogger, but because we were to blog more than I have ever blogged before, I realized after re-reading some of my posts that I really hold back and I am still trying to discover why that is.  There would be times during the trip that I really wanted to write about something but I just wouldn’t, or, when I was blogging about something, I never talked about the whole thing or expressed all of my feelings.  I understand that some things should be left unsaid, but I held back more than I should have. 

 

Because I finally decided to call my attention to this little fact about myself, I looked through my past journals and diaries and I noticed the same thing.  I held back even when I was supposed to be the most open.  When thinking about it, I suppose I felt as though someone could find them and read them some day so I should censor myself and leave out little bits of information here and there.  I think what this all comes down to is that I care way too much about what others think of me.  Obviously we should respect others and think a little bit about other’s opinions, but I think I am even beyond that.  I really do feel as though I have something to say, and I have decided that I am going to start saying it.  This is just another improvement that I need to make, and I know that with this improvement will come better filmmaking and writing on my part.  I have even considered getting in contact with some people at local newspapers just so I can start writing and putting myself out there without fear and without censoring myself too much. 

 

Discovering so much about myself and about life on this trip is all part of why I feel like traveling to India was so successful.  While I did learn so much about filmmaking and production design, I believe that if a person can figure out who they are and be happy with it, then that is the most important thing for their future.  I know now that my career and future are in much better hands because I am a better person now.  I am excited for my future and I really cannot wait to start making films and I am glad that I have taken the steps to start expressing myself and being confident along the way.  I have never been more excited about life.       

 

 

 

Mumbai to NYC

I landed at JFK and left saying bye to the others who had flown back with me.  I got a taxi outside and was relived to have enough head room inside and that there were doors.  I was going back to my sister’s place in Queens to spend the rest of the summer in NYC.  I was tired and bored and began to read the signs posted inside of the taxi.  I read the rider’s rights and laughed at one of them that said “the passenger has the right to a quite ride with no horn honking”.  I certainly wasn’t in India anymore.

It took awhile to get re-acclimated with being back home.  It was hard not having more veg restaurants than non-veg.  Odd seeing women in short shirts and revealing tops.  Awkward to not see a child going to the bathroom on the side of the road.  Sad to see people walking down the streets like zombies and beggars that don’t smile.  Life in India and here is different in many ways, but mainly it is the culture and happiness that I miss most.  Yes, India is dirty (that is something I’ve had to tell many people when they ask) but it doesn’t make it a bad place.   The culture is so rich and vibrant and that makes India so a wonderful place.  I keep on referring to Mumbai as a derelict beauty.  There is ugliness and beautiful things that coexist making it all that much better. The hot weather and perfect sun and even the downpours are something that I crave.  NYC is so dark, sterile, and grey compared to Mumbai.  Just a giant concrete jungle at best.  I see people walking with frowns on their face and start fighting with any person who bumps into them and it makes me long for the smiles I would always see.  I sat near a homeless person on the subway today heading to work and no one else would sit around the two of us.  I had to laugh at it.  I knew that before India I would’ve stayed far away from a homeless person, but I now have no fear or pre-judgements about people.  The homeless man isn’t going to attack me or do anything else as far as I’m concerned.  Even with simple everyday activities I can see how different I do them after being to India.  I try and smile a lot more.  Not to get stressed out.  Relax from time to time.  It has been hard to keep the mentality and attitude I picked in Mumbai here in NYC, but I’m trying my hardest and succeeding at it.

I started a new internship at Atlas Media Corp as a production intern for the show Dr. G Medical Examiner.  It was a big shift from Red Chillies.  There is atleast 60 people working there, a giant office, and computers that actually work.  I do the simple tasks all interns do.  I log footage from interviews, transcribe timecodes for scripts, and organize tapes.  I stay busy and the people I work with are nice, but they aren’t friendly like my old co-workers.  At Red Chillies we would always talk, take our time to do work, and just let the creativity flow.  At Atlas everyone is constantly working and people really don’t socialize.  Yes, the two companies are at different levels of production and development with Atlas having a lot more to do, but it is still so controlled and over-bearing. 

The other interns asked about what I had been up to and when I told them that I went to India they were all excited about it.  They asked me questions and when talking about how things our done at Atlas I can usually give them an answer about what it’s like in India.  I love being able to share my experiences and opinions with people.  I sit at work at times and look up the latest Bollywood news and it makes me excited.  I love being able to know about both entertainment worlds and can’t wait to read more about them.

The more that I’m in NYC I find myself wanting to be back in India.  I’ve told some people that I would want to move there and work for a few years and they often laugh at me.  I find nothing funny about that.  Yay, it would be hard to get a good job, make new friends, and making/saving money, but it is something I’m really considering.  I never would have thought of that unless I had this opportunity.  I have found a new interest in Indian cinema and a great new group of friends.  I am much more confident and always act like myself now.  I have changed in India and I feel great about it.  I am really greatful to have gone and wished that I could’ve spent more time.  I am now just back to the usual grind of things.  I had some dreams a few nights ago and each dream consisted of me packing and getting ready for a trip to India.  I woke up and wished that I was really packing up to go again.  Don’t get me wrong, I love being home with my friends and family in a place where I can easily get around.  I just feel like that whole world has opened up to me now and that there is so much more for me to explore and do.  All I want to do is go have new experiences all across the world and not stuck behind a computer.  I am not overly concerned about knowing what I want to do once I graduate, where I want to live, or about a retirement plan.  I am more concerned about having a happy life, traveling, and enjoying my time.